sexuality, growth and acceptance

Image courtesy of Tatchi Ringsby

Anonymous

The other night I had a stark realization while talking to one of my friends. We were having one of our normal conversations and rehashing all our past issues with relationships and men. One particular issue that came up concerned behavior; we’d both struggled in relationships with men who were constantly cheating and had that compulsive behavior. It was then that I declared men so often fall in love with their partners or the idea of them, but don’t actually like them. As I’m discovering my sexuality, this is something that sticks with me even more. I’ve known for a very long time that I’ve been attracted to women. I never knew 100% how men played into that, and I still don’t. What I also said to my friend was how relationships with women differ so much from relationships with men. I try not to think a lot about my past relationships for many reasons, but the ones I always think back to and reminisce on were with girls. Those relationships are the deep and thought-provoking ones, the ones that hurt the most but feel the best. They helped me discover who I truly am and showed me love in a way I had never felt. Men often view things in black and white, and their partners are not exempt from that dichotomy. Men put our thoughts and feelings into another category separate from theirs. We are different from them, we are secondary to how they feel and think. Before I’d always dismissed this thought, pushed it to the side when I was in relationships with men because it felt nice to be in one. The security I felt and the love I did have felt nice. But it will never feel as good as letting yourself grow and flourish, and taking the time to discover who you are. It was this conversation that led me to realize how important the community around you is. No matter how small, whether you know them IRL or through the Internet, having connections with friends and other folks in the queer community will show you what real acceptance looks like.