Accepting That I’m A Hopeless Romantic
Written by Daphne Bryant
All images courtesy of Cartoon Network / Totally Spies
As we get older, certain aspects of our personalities change. We might get more confident, outgoing, cautious or stylish. Growing up I was a hopeless romantic, and THAT has yet to change. I like to blame it on being a Pisces, but really I think I’m just a lover girl, forever and ever and ever.
So, if not a Piscean curse, what else can we blame for my bittersweet illness? Well, I had and still have a really beautiful example of love, courtesy of my mom and dad. They are such an amazing couple; they’re best friends, great parents, and love each other sooo much. No one’s perfect, but seeing them interact all the time set me up in really a positive way. I knew what a healthy relationship looked like early on and was determined to create an equivalent level of affection and intimacy with my romantic partners, whoever they might be.
Note: I had a huge romcom phase too, so I know every trope and have committed every melodramatic scene to memory. Naturally, I also became determined to make my lovers’ lives feel like movies.
Like many of us hopeless romantics, I was convinced I was going to marry my first boyfriend at thirteen. Same for the boy after that, and the boy after that. And once I came out and started having queer relationships, I was even more infatuated. I caught feelings quickly and I fell hard, and while that resulted in a lot of really beautiful, precious moments, it also resulted in a lot of disappointment and heartbreak.
That’s the thing about being a hopeless romantic. It’s like you have this dreamscape in your head, and in this dreamscape there is everything you could ever want in a romance. Flowers on the first date. Kisses under moonlight.Laughs that transcend time. Sex that feels like magic, and all of it is really awesome and hot and wonderful. That built-in dreamscape makes every relationship feel supernatural. But that’s all it is, really: a dream.
While hopeless romantics can make great, passionate lovers, they are also prone to putting potential partners on undeserved pedestals, and then turn right around and maintain unrealistic expectations for their official partners.It’s this cycle that never stops. We pour everything into a potential match: our hearts, our souls, our bodies, and then get frustrated when they’re not all we made them up to be in our head.
When I realized at a very early age that being a hopeless romantic was starting to bite me in the butt, I started pouring my energy into my friends. I became a serial matchmaker and lived vicariously through everyone else in my life, all the while trying to hold in this desire to have my own fairytale. Mind you, my matchmaking track record wasn’t very good, and eventually I went right back to crushing on people I didn’t even know all that well.
A friends to lovers arc? I don’t know her. Almost all of my relationships started out with me wanting a complete stranger, and things moved fast and with a lot of naivete. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. It’s fun to have a whirlwind romance, but it became clear to me last year, after experiencing a super short but extremely abusive relationship, that I needed to protect my heart better.
“I became a serial matchmaker and lived vicariously through everyone else in my life, all the while trying to hold in this desire to have my own fairytale.”
And how did I try to protect my heart, you ask? By becoming the opposite of a hopeless romantic. That’s right. Me, Daphne Bryant,...I tried to have a hoe phase. I started talking to multiple people, all at once. Attempted hookup culture (#hateditbytheway), and even then what I did was very minimal compared to what some of my friends and exes have gotten up to. Truthfully, I knew the whole time that this whole“ nonchalant” thing wasn’t going to work out for me. To call back to the beginning of this article, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, since the beginning of time. I crave love, deeper connections, relationships that last lifetimes. I know now, as an adult, that most relationships aren’t of that caliber. I’m realizing, also, that that’s okay.
Not every connection needs to be that of a soulmate. I’m slowly realizing it’s okay to have situationships that are good for a season, fun nights that are better off as one time flings and sweet relationships that end but taught me more about myself and made me a better person.Even when that intense yearning strikes and I find myself wondering what if about the situation, I allow those feelings to wash over me in isolation. I think about how I feel and then I let myself feel it. I write in my journal, make that Spotify playlist, lay in my bed and imagine the possibilities, and then I wake up the next morning and the world is still spinning on its’ axis and everything is just fine.
That’s right, the world didn’t end because I care deeply and love hard. Life goes on, even when life gets tough.So I’m owning it. I am a hopeless romantic. And that will feel especially right when it’s the right time and I’m with the right person.Until then, I’ll just keep reading YA novels, listening to Laufey, and dreaming away...
